Self help.

No sleep

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:13:25 GMT

unless im drinking wine.
Im trying trying trying not to get attatch.
trying to play it cool.
trying to work him out.
jobjobjob im to skint for life
A day with a duvet day time tv and later a night out or a night in with a bottle of wine.

so im single

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 14:08:10 GMT

Ended on good terms.
So not bothered.
i went on a date saturday night..
Boys alright gives me jokes checked his facebook and he has a gf tho.
Sooooo dodge but its nice to be taken out and meeting someone new.
Job hunt is god awful i relised how little i know what i want out of life.It does my head in. :(.
Photographer,Office work,Army are the things im thinking about but none of them make me excited.
I would just be happy with a job right now.
So time to cook burgers with feta chees.God the pill really makes me want to eat.When ive been sitting in my house i tend to eat constantly so ive been eating like god know.

omm

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 18:18:29 GMT

cheap laugh or what

im stacking up the karma token now
im so nervous
shouldnt agree to it
i talk so crypit in here and i dunno why.

my mum gets to go italy
and drank my wine
(N)

Ive gave up caring

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:16:39 GMT

what everyone has to say in this house.
god bad week bad week bad bad bad bad bad week.

how i he makes me feel sick

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:39:05 GMT

what a way to think of your boyfriend.
I need to get rid of him. 4 months in a week but i just cant do it i feel so bad.
hopefully he wont buy me a present hopefully he wont be distraught hopefully i wont regret it when im single for another year.
On the job hunt today even though i feel so ill.

got the sack

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:17:28 GMT

gutting
talk about bad karma
:(
Thinks neeed to get better
Lesbiians on tv

so im going to be single

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:37:45 GMT

ive decided.
Im not attracted to james enough
and its stupid to be with someone when i think that.
give it 3 weeks tho.
might be going wales tonight
i hope
but i only have 20pounds
if i go im gunna have to get my flirt on to get drinks.
my mums in a bad mood with me
and my liver hurts
always fun

18 and cheats

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 11:56:40 GMT

18 finaly went out to snobs and whethersspoons spent 50quid.
Cheated on with a really fit boy who was rah fucked
and had lvely eyes.
Nice boy wont remember me.
I was the leased fucked on my birthday
but i couldnt be bothered did manage to fall out a taxi
Now its time for the pub in walsall.
but first an egg sandwhich

Work

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:53:56 GMT

So i got a job before my 18th like i said.
And i hate it 7 hours in silence with a women who would work me dawn till dusk no problem.
But enough about that.
Im crushing on someone else is that bad.
He is everything i want.
James is lovely but he has no opinion deosnt get my humour.
Maybe there right oppisites attract.

I said im going to be more creative

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:30:53 GMT

And so i have been
just been paint doodling.
Off to see scott jay and jode

Today been has good.
Hour long phone calls.
Window shopping.
And interview tomorow.

Things are picking up and even better its going to be sunny over the weekend.

You know when

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 22:36:07 GMT

You find someone you just get.
I love it when that happens.

From Today im going to draw more and write more.
My creative side has gone to pot and he reminded me of that.

Im also wide awake past 11 for the first time in ages it feeels great.
The night is when im at my best.

And considering its a august night, why does it feel like im in december
and why is it pitch black before 11.

Winter is comming and im really not feeling it.

The best thing about today was this.

And from the grey came a some colour,
and made the clouds feel a little bit duller,
and from the grey comes red to blue,
and reminded of something new

I need to move out

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:20:09 GMT

Honestly
Ive had enough
I cant physically live in the same space as my mum.
And now we are getting violent when we fight.
Someone gunna end up killed ahaha
Propably her shes giving me my anger isssues back.

From being told to move out

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:29:18 GMT

to selling my life on ebay.

This weekend has been nothing to write home about.
I manage to get the Flu and argue with my mum.
Only 5 days to my 18th.
And my list of present go:
A silver locket
A tattoo
Money
Clothes hopefully
And a viv necklace.

I think that is quite good considering thats
off family and i hardly see any family or anything.
im really quite excited.

Hopefuly Things will go better.
Im aplying for a few jobs and me and my mum arent really talking.
But its the best seen as though she told me to move out as soon as possible.
Called me all the names under the sun and told me im like a controlling bf.
All in town
Crying in the middle of bullring is never fun.

I really want to looose weight.
But my mum never ever will cook food before 6pm
Ive had enough.
Im trying my hardest aswell.
Ive had a bad week to say the least lets hope my bday week is better.

:(

I just shanked my foot on a snail.

Ironing

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:25:17 GMT

My mums obsessed
She keeps making me iron stuff i dont need.
I dont understand why.
She tried to make me iron my jeans
when the creases where from where i wore them before.
Honestly i hate ironing and most creases drop out.
i only iron in severe cases not when there is just one crease.
Also she wants me to sort out my wardrobe and throw away clothes.
She says it will be good.It probably will be but it just means i will have less to wear.
She wont buy me new clothes ever so therefore i would end up with even less everything.
I would wear half my clothes is she bought me shoes and jeans.

And shes taking me to the doctors which is nice i supppose but i get
a hundread and two question when i come out.
Lkike the time the doctor thought i was depressed and she had a go at me.

PFtt i wish i was with the bf in the seychelles.
:(
I think he should take me on holiday one day
Like the beach
he took his mates to black pool why not me

Just one of thoose days

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:53:10 GMT

Where every inperfection is a 100 times worse.
:)
Leased my mums being nice.
Its such a lovely day.Might go out and take some photos.
The freash air will probably do me the world of good.
18 in a week and i need a job bad ways.
I wish i was lucky atm.
Im all snotty and my eyes hurt always nice.

Oh how i love anime

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 17:44:12 GMT

Yes I do.
I might watch Clannad Again I LOVE IT.

Now Im on a hunt For GIF's

Curently watching
Kyouran Kazoku Nikki
Kyou Kara Maou
Rosairo + vampire.

My mums fucking up my diet with not cooking diner before 6 and not untill like 8.

And a slept the day away

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:55:52 GMT

And I wish i didnt.
Im in a real I want to do something more mood.

My boyfriend is a twat at the moment, He was an hour and a half late to pick me up,then kept me awake
till like 4 pestering me. I was so not in the mood to see people last night.Still makes me laugh We are not allowed to sleep in the same bed. He is 19 in 12 days and im 18 in 9days pretty much adults.If we had slept together which we havent we could of whenever he drives and comes round mine often.
He is off to the seychelles lucky thing for two weeks.

I really just want a good ole read and another sleep coz my head canes.
But i need to ring the bank up for a new bank card and tidy and get up.

Hmmm Im too indescisive lately.

its in the am

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:43:53 GMT

and im not awake
ive done the whole shower and eat breakfast and now im lying here dozing.
Feeling ill because i shoved food down my throat so early.

Im thinking bout going paris by myself for a weekend because.
Im not fussed with being by myself or travelling by myself.
I think it would be amazing.
Meet some interesting people maybe.
Have a nice hot chocolate by the eifel tower.

:( its raining.
I just hope to god i only have to stay till one.

Oh and your mother

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:15:00 GMT

admitting she tries to wind you up is never fun.
I dont understand why she always tries to make me argue with her.
:(
Not a healthy relestionship.
If i cant remember a password standing in my door going REMEMBER IT aint helping.
I relise why i like spending weeks out my house I cant ever relax at home when shes home coz in her eyes i need to be doing something.
I blame it on jealousy because im young and dont work and she fucking old and spends all her time talking bout work going to work or complaining bout work

When things are just not good enough

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:08:38 GMT

I feel soooo ugly lately.
Been dieting like a mad women and wishing i could spend all my money on clothes.
Im having a bad week and its probably going to get worse.
:(
Ahh time to look for bar work and go cook

And im glad males arent in my house

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 15:42:09 GMT

God how self riteous do they want to get.
Jodes dad chantering n about how he pays for stuff and how he is a good dad for doing so.
Honestly thats not a good dad.

Im so tired squashing in a bed with jode an eleven year old and the dog equals bad back.
Would of slept on the floor if her little brother didnt like me so much.
~Its kinda fun teasing him and winding him up about it makes me laugh.
Also i relised how much a girl of my word i am.
Just say dare you and i probably will

Last night i had a dream i cheated on my bf with jamie.
I havent seen that boy in 2 months talking to him in weeks.
I quite mis him im sure he is the one ive fancied him over 4 years now.
But evrytime we get close omething happens to change that.
I decided not to persure him after he was going uni in shefield but i really want him and i feel bad for making do with james.

Ahh im only young i shouldnt worry.
If its meant to be we will stop talking for two years then start again

anyway time to get ready and get pissed yayayayayayayaya

Broken

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:22:51 GMT

Phones are never fun.
I hate not being able to get in contact with people
I had plans today to see the other half but now.
I have nada phone and he isnt smart enough to ring my house phone bless him

So stressed
and ive fucked of my voulnteer work twice coz i couldnt be arsed to wake up.
honestly my life is boring
and i jus want to be taken out and stay not at home

disappointed

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 20:19:52 GMT

In the fact smarties arent the same as back in the day.
They took the e numbers out and they taste horrid.
And there soo dull.

I just started thinking about pictures to take.
Im feeling creative all of a sudden.
Why am i not sleeping.

Nothing to report

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:37:17 GMT

No thoughts.
No worries,
No cares
im just stupidly tired.

Im going to make my bed then sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

16 days get in

The nicest sunrise

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:20:17 GMT

and lack of sleep make it all alright specially when your sitting on a roof.

A conversation last night made me think.
What am i scared of in relestionships
I tell myself i wont love james but i think im scared of admitting feelings.
I do care alot for him and what not.
But the rest of my life i really doubt im 18 not 40.

some important convos are to be had tonight
but not before wall-e in the cinema
i just wish he would hurry up